Once upon a time, I was a Nice Person. I’d smile politely while someone explained my own diagnosis to me. I’d hold the door open for strangers and wait while they slowly shuffled through, unbothered. I’d listen to that one friend monologue about her sugar detox while I silently wondered if I could fake my own death to get out of the conversation.
But that version of me is gone. She perished somewhere between the fifth unsolicited wellness tip and the third time someone said, “But you don’t look sick.”
And in her place? A delightfully irritable, short-fused, boundary-setting badass who no longer has time for bullshit, big or small. This is my official Villain Era™, and it’s sponsored by chronic illness, menopause, and a bottomless vat of nope.
So, without further ado, here’s a lovingly curated list of Things I No Longer Have Patience For:
1. Loud Chewers & Public Speakerphone Users
If your jaw sounds like gravel in a washing machine, or you’re broadcasting your break-up on speakerphone in public — congratulations, you’re the reason I believe in selective extinction.
2. The Door You Left Open
Did you not feel that icy blast? Is your soul so shrivelled you think we enjoy sudden indoor tornadoes? Close the damn door before I throw a salt lamp at you.
3. Unsolicited Advice from Non-Experts
Unless you’ve lived in this meat-suit and have a PhD in neurology, keep your spirulina suppository and moon-water testimonials to yourself. I’m not your pet project. I’m just trying to buy avocados in peace. Keep your seaweed smoothie cure to yourself. And no, Susan, yoga will not reverse brain lesions.
4. The Phrase “You Don’t Look Sick”
Well, you do look stupid, so I guess we’re even.
5. The Cult of Beige Instagram Moms
If your child has a capsule wardrobe and your playroom has mood lighting, I assume your soul has been traded for engagement. Let those kids wear Crocs and chaos like the rest of us.
6. “Everything Happens for a Reason”
Unless that reason is “you’re a carbon-based life form on a rapidly decaying planet,” keep it to yourself. Some things are just… shitty.
7. People Sitting Next to Me When There Are 100 Other Empty Seats
This isn’t a hostage situation; you have options. And yet you chose my airspace? I didn’t survive a pandemic just to share elbow room with your tuna wrap. Why. Just why. Are you okay? Blink twice if you’re in distress.
8. Trad Wives Cosplaying the 1950s (Badly)
You want to obey your husband and churn butter on camera? Go wild. But don’t pretend your ring-light lifestyle is actual tradition. Real trad wives didn’t have OnlyFans. (me-owe!)
9. Chronic Illness Gatekeepers
If you’ve ever said “just be positive” to someone in pain, I hope you step on a Lego every Monday morning for the remainder of your time here.
10. Mainsplainers & Creepy Flirters
I used to nod. Now I say “That’s creepy AF dude” and walk away while maintaining eye contact.
11. People Who Know Me Better Than I Do
Newsflash: I’ve been in this body a while. I don’t need you to explain my symptoms, my limits, or my mood swings. Especially not during peri-fucking-menopause.
12. Covid Opinions
Still? We’re still doing this? Pass.
13. Thieves of Parking Spaces
That space was mine. I will trap you in. I will go Fried Green Tomatoes on your bumper. Do not test the rage of a middle-aged woman with perimenopause and pain.
I don’t know if this list makes me petty, evolved, or simply tired, but it feels delicious to get it out. There’s a joy in drawing the line. In saying “no thanks” without apologising. In laughing at how little crap I’m willing to take these days.
And maybe that’s what real healing looks like.
Your turn: what’s something you no longer have patience for? Drop it in the comments. Let’s be gloriously petty together.
There’s something about autumn that feels like a deep exhale.
Maybe it’s the way the trees let go of their leaves without resistance or how the light softens, casting everything in a golden glow. In Stellenbosch, autumn isn’t just a season; it’s a full-body experience. The streets are lined with trees turning fire red, the vineyards stretch out in amber and gold, and the mountains stand quietly in the distance, cloaked in shifting light.
For those of us navigating trauma recovery, this season offers more than beauty. It mirrors the process of emotional healing: the letting go, the slowing down, the quiet preparation for what comes next.
The Science of Letting Go: Nature’s Blueprint for Recovery
As the days shorten and temperatures drop, trees begin conserving energy. They stop producing chlorophyll, revealing the reds and oranges that were there all along. This isn’t about decay. It’s about wisdom. About trusting the cycle.
Just like the trees, we too need seasons of rest. Healing from trauma or chronic stress requires periods of pulling back—of turning inward, conserving energy, and allowing space for repair.
Letting go doesn’t mean failure. It means preparing the soil for growth.
Grounding Practices Inspired by Autumn
In trauma recovery, grounding practices help bring us back to the present moment, to safety and stability. And autumn is rich with grounding sensory experiences:
Sight: Fire-coloured leaves, long shadows, golden sunsets.
Smell: Earthy moss, fallen leaves, woodsmoke.
Touch: Crisp air on your cheeks, the texture of bark, the crunch of leaves underfoot.
Sound: Wind whispering through the trees, migrating birds, footsteps on gravel.
These sensory cues are more than poetic; they’re therapeutic. They help anchor our nervous systems, soothe our overstimulated minds, and reconnect us with the world.
Stellenbosch in Autumn: A Sanctuary for Mental Health
Stellenbosch is a balm this time of year. The oak-lined streets feel like old friends. The vineyards are dressed in their autumn best. Jonkershoek Nature Reserve offers trails lined with gold and crimson, each step a gentle meditation.
There’s something profoundly healing about walking through this fire-hued landscape. Whether you’re sipping tea on a quiet stoep, journaling beside a vineyard, or watching the light shift through red leaves, autumn in Stellenbosch invites you to slow down. To breathe. To feel.
Even a single mindful walk, a moment of awe, or a pause under a tree can become a healing ritual.
Emotional Healing Through Seasonal Shifts
Autumn gives us permission to change. To soften. To stop performing resilience and simply be.
It reminds us:
That shedding isn’t weakness.
That pausing is productive.
That healing is not linear.
So if you’re feeling the pull to retreat, to reflect, to let go of something you’ve been carrying too long, trust it. The season is holding space for you.
Enjoying the blog? Please consider sending me a cuppa to keep the engines running.
No one tells you how exhausting it is to be polite about being chronically ill.
No one warns you that one of the hardest parts won’t be the symptoms — it’ll be the explaining, the justifying, the pretending-you’re-fine smile you glue to your face at doctor’s offices, family dinners, and the school gate.
Living with chronic illness doesn’t look like a movie montage. It looks like the same unwashed hair three days in a row. It looks like forgetting words mid-sentence. It looks like cancelling — again — and hating yourself for it.
That Chronic Fatigue? It’s Not Tired. It’s Poisoned.
Chronic fatigue isn’t just being tired. It’s body-in-concrete exhaustion that makes brushing your teeth feel like a marathon. It’s lying in bed hurting from doing nothing. And still, you explain it like you’re “just run down” because people don’t understand what this kind of fatigue actually is. Experts say that for the average person to understand what chronic fatigue feels like, they would need to stay awake for three days straight and then attempt to continue with life as though nothing is wrong.
You Become an Expert at Smiling Through Chronic Pain
You learn to say “I’m fine” while your joints are on fire and your head feels like it’s splitting in two. Because being visibly sick makes people uncomfortable. So, like many living with an invisible illness, you become a master at hiding your truth.
You Feel Guilty All the Time
Guilty for being ill. Guilty for cancelling. Guilty for being “negative.” Guilt becomes your shadow — especially in a world that expects constant productivity. And chronic illness doesn’t come with sick leave for your emotions. It certainly doesn’t give you sick leave for being sick.
You Lose Friends — and You Blame Yourself
Some people slowly drift when you stop being “fun.” Others disappear completely the moment you need support. You start to wonder if you’re just too much — when really, they just weren’t equipped to stay.
Your Body Becomes a Full-Time Job
Living with chronic illness means appointments, test results, meds, insurance, symptom tracking. You become your own medical manager. And half the time, doctors still shrug and say, “We don’t really know.” Ironically, chronically ill people develop skills that could run circles around the top CEOs; we just don’t have the bodies to be able to do the job.
You Start to Doubt Yourself
When your labs come back “normal,” when a doctor dismisses your symptoms, when people say “but you look great” — you begin to gaslight yourself. You wonder if it’s all in your head. This is the quiet cruelty of misunderstood chronic illness.
You Become Fierce in Ways You Never Expected
You stop people-pleasing. Believe me. This is one of the first changes you’ll experience. You learn how to say no, how to rest, how to speak up. Your survival depends on this. Chronic illness teaches you how to be soft and strong — even on the days you’re barely holding it together.
You’re Not Weak — You’re Living a Life Most People Couldn’t Handle
Being chronically ill every day is hard. It’s unseen, often misunderstood, and deeply personal. But you’re not alone. There’s nothing wrong with you. And you are more than your diagnosis.
You’re just learning how to carry the weight of your reality — and that’s a strength no one talks about enough.
You’ve just heard the words. Maybe you were in a sterile office with a doctor who looked serious. Maybe you were alone. Maybe someone was sitting next to you, holding your hand—but the moment still felt isolating. However it happened, one truth remains:
Your life just changed.
A diagnosis can drop like an anvil. Whether it’s multiple sclerosis (like mine), lupus, cancer, fibromyalgia, Parkinson’s, or anything else that doesn’t have a quick fix—it shakes you. It doesn’t just change your body. It changes your future, your plans, your sense of self.
How I Found Out—and Why I Felt Relieved
I remember sitting in that neurologist’s office. He didn’t ease me into it. He just said it: “It’s Multiple Sclerosis.”
And weirdly? I appreciated that. No tiptoeing, no sugar-coating. Just the facts. And after years of being dismissed, ignored, and misdiagnosed, finally being heard was a kind of relief.
I know that sounds strange. But maybe you’ve been there too—feeling your body betray you while doctor after doctor says, “There’s nothing wrong.” Maybe you’ve been told to “lose weight” or “just relax,” even while something inside you screams that something’s not right.
That first moment—being told what’s actually going on? It hurts. But it also validates everything you knew in your gut.
The Emotional Whirlwind After a Diagnosis
You don’t have to be brave today. You don’t need to find a silver lining or start fighting. You just have to breathe.
Cry. Sit in silence. Watch dumb dog videos. Scream into a pillow. All of it’s allowed. Because you’re grieving. And that grief is real and valid.
Grief for the version of you who didn’t know. Grief for your body, for the future you imagined. Grief for the control that slipped through your fingers.
What Chronic Illness Took—and What It Gave
For me, MS has taken plenty. I can’t sing anymore. I used to love dancing—can’t do that either. Fatigue is a constant shadow. Pain, spasms, brain fog—they don’t care about my to-do list.
But strangely, this illness has given me things too. It taught me to set boundaries. To trust myself. To question everything. To listen—really listen—to my body.
I’ve become stronger than I ever thought I could be. Not because I wanted to, but because I had no choice.
Living With an Invisible Illness
Here’s the part that’ll really test you: You might still be doubted.
Even now, people see me park in a disabled spot and give me looks. “You don’t look sick,” they say.
Some “friends” even say they don’t believe me. And those people? I’ve cut them out.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You don’t have to look sick to be sick. Invisible illnesses are real. And so is your right to protect your energy.
To the Newly Diagnosed: You’re Still You
You might feel like your body is foreign now. Like you’ve lost something essential. But let me tell you something very important:
You are still whole. You are still worthy. You are still you.
This diagnosis is not the end of your story. It’s a messy, complicated plot twist—but you’re still the author.
And when you’re ready—when you’ve had time to sit with it, grieve it, rage at it—there’s a whole world of people out here who understand. People living with invisible illnesses, chronic pain, hard diagnoses.
We are your people.
We’re not inspirational quotes or toxic positivity. We’re the ones who get it. The ones who live in bodies that fight back—but souls that refuse to quit.
Final Thoughts: How to Cope After a Diagnosis
Write. Journal. Let the chaos spill out onto paper.
Find a support system—online or in person.
Follow accounts that make you laugh.
Listen to your body (it’s not the enemy—it’s the messenger).
Don’t waste energy explaining your pain to people who don’t care.
Grieve the life you thought you’d have.
Then start creating a new one.
And if you’re reading this today—fresh off the heels of that diagnosis—I want to say this loud and clear:
You are not alone. You are not broken. You are still here. And you’re going to be okay. Even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.
Let’s be real: when someone pushes your buttons, mindfulness is usually the last thing on your mind. You want to lash out, shut down, defend yourself, or run for cover.
I know that feeling very well. For years, my reactions ran the show — and let me tell you, it rarely worked out in my favour.
But here’s what I’ve learned: sometimes the most powerful move isn’t saying the perfect comeback (as tempting as that is), or holding it all together like some Zen robot. Sometimes, the game-changer is the pause — that breath, that tiny moment where you resist the urge to react.
It sounds simple, doesn’t it? It’s not. But it is possible. And it changes everything.
Why Do We React Without Thinking?
When you’re stressed, angry, or overwhelmed, your body flips into survival mode: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. That passive-aggressive text? That dismissive tone? Your brain treats it like you’re being chased by a lion.
You can’t logic your way out of a stress response — not in the moment. But you can learn to notice the signs and make space between trigger and response. That’s where emotional regulation begins.
How to Practice the Pause (Even When It Feels Impossible)
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach here. But these simple mindfulness techniques can help you interrupt the pattern — and choose your next move, rather than letting it choose you.
1. Notice Your Body’s Signals
Does your heart start racing? Do you clench your jaw? Feel heat rising in your chest? That’s your nervous system sounding the alarm. Pay attention — it’s your cue to hit pause.
2. Name the Feeling
Label it internally: “I’m feeling defensive.” Or “This hurts.” Naming an emotion creates just enough distance to break the autopilot response.
3. Take One Conscious Breath
You don’t need a full meditation session. Just one slow breath — in… out. Tell your body: We’re safe. We don’t need to explode.
4. Delay the Response
Say: “Give me a second.” “I need a moment to think.” It might feel awkward at first, but it creates space. And in that space? That’s where your power lives.
5. Move Your Body
If possible, walk away. Even just pacing the room helps. Movement clears the static and calms your system.
Why This Mindfulness Practice Matters
Pausing isn’t about being passive or letting people walk over you. It’s about choosing your response, not being hijacked by emotion or trauma.
Sometimes my pause looks messy — biting my lip, rummaging for my lip balm instead of saying something I’ll regret, or literally sitting on my hands.
But every time I choose to pause instead of react, I’m rebuilding trust with myself.
You Don’t Have to Be Perfect — Just Present
This is a practice. You’ll mess up. I still do. But if you catch yourself one second earlier than you did last time? That’s progress.
We don’t have to be perfect. We just have to be present enough to try again.
💬 Let’s Talk
How do you stay calm under pressure? Do you have a trick, phrase, or grounding tool that helps you pause before reacting?
Drop it in the comments — someone out there might need exactly what you’ve figured out. Or join the Facebook Group and joining the support circle.
Learn how to pause before reacting with this beautifully designed, printable journaling workbook. Whether you’re dealing with stress, conflict, or emotional overload, these prompts will help you reflect, reset, and respond with intention.
Click the button below to download your FREE “Pause Before You React” workbook.
Let’s talk about self-care. It’s a buzzword we hear all the time—usually alongside pictures of candles, fancy bath bombs, and someone blissfully sipping tea while wrapped in an overpriced weighted blanket. And while all of those things can be part of self-care (no judgment if you love a good eucalyptus-scented soak), the truth is, self-care is so much more than that.
What Is Self-Care, Really?
Self-care is basically the practice of taking care of yourself—physically, emotionally, and mentally. It’s about checking in with yourself and giving your mind and body what they actually need, not just what looks good on Instagram. Some days, self-care is a peaceful yoga session. Other days, it’s cancelling plans because you’re exhausted and need to recharge in your pajamas.
Think of it like maintaining a car. You wouldn’t expect your car to run smoothly if you never got an oil change, right? Well, your body and mind work the same way. Neglect them for too long, and things start to break down. Self-care is your way of keeping the engine running smoothly (or at least preventing a total breakdown on the side of life’s highway).
The Different Types of Self-Care
Self-care isn’t one-size-fits-all, and it comes in different forms. Here’s a quick breakdown:
1. Physical Self-Care
Moving your body in a way that feels good (not just punishing yourself at the gym)
Eating food that nourishes you and brings you joy (yes, balance includes pizza)
Getting enough sleep (because running on caffeine and vibes isn’t sustainable)
2. Emotional Self-Care
Setting boundaries (because “no” is a full sentence)
Allowing yourself to feel your feelings without guilt
Talking to someone when you need support—whether it’s a friend, therapist, or your dog
3. Mental Self-Care
Unplugging from social media when it starts feeling like a toxic comparison game
Learning new things and keeping your brain engaged
Giving yourself permission to rest, instead of glorifying being “busy”
4. Social Self-Care
Surrounding yourself with people who lift you up, not drain your energy
Making time for friendships that actually bring you joy
Saying goodbye to toxic relationships (because life is too short for drama)
5. Spiritual Self-Care (whatever that means to you)
Meditation, prayer, journaling, or just sitting in silence for five minutes
Spending time in nature and appreciating the little things
Practising gratitude—even on the days when everything feels like a mess
Why Self-Care Isn’t Selfish
A lot of us have been conditioned to think that taking time for ourselves is indulgent or selfish. But here’s the thing: you can’t pour from an empty jug. If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll eventually hit a wall—and that doesn’t help anyone, least of all you. Prioritizing self-care means you’ll have more energy, patience, and clarity to handle life’s curveballs.
Final Thoughts: Start Small, Be Kind to Yourself
You don’t have to overhaul your entire life overnight. Self-care isn’t a checklist; it’s a practice. Start small—maybe by drinking an extra glass of water, taking a deep breath when you’re stressed, or finally making that doctor’s appointment you’ve been putting off.
And most importantly, be kind to yourself. Because at the end of the day, self-care is about treating yourself like someone you actually care about. And you deserve that.
So, what’s one small way you can take care of yourself today?
