You haven’t really tasted life until you’ve eaten something that’s been kissed by flame and flipped by someone who calls everyone “dude”—even their dog. That, dear reader, is the essence of the braai.
I’ve been standing by a fire for over 30 years, tongs in one hand, something cold in the other. And while the smoke’s gotten in my eyes more times than I can count, what it’s really done is clear my head. So let me tell you—braaiing isn’t just a way to cook. It’s therapy. It’s nutrition. It’s an ancient, smoke-scented spell we keep casting, week after week.
Cooking Over Fire: The Real Health Hack
Let’s get one thing straight: braaiing is not some fly-by-night TikTok detox trend involving Himalayan moss and oat milk foam. It’s real food, made real simply.
When you cook meat over fire, you skip the litres of oil, the chemical circus in bottled marinades, and the sadness that comes from boiling a chicken breast into bland oblivion. Braaiing keeps the good stuff where it should be—inside the food. Protein stays intact. Nutrients hold up. And that charred edge? It’s flavour, not a felony.
Plus, you control the ingredients. Grass-fed lamb, hormone-free chicken, budget-friendly veg from the market—if it’s going on your fire, you know exactly what it is. That’s nutrition that doesn’t come with a label you need a PhD to understand.
As dietitian and real-food advocate Thandi Mokoena says: “When you braai, you’re working with fewer ingredients but more intention. It’s whole food, prepared simply, which makes it inherently healthier than many ‘wellness’ meals.”
The Ritual of Fire
But if you think braaiing is just about food, you’ve never really lit a fire.
It starts with that first flame. The whoosh. Then the wait. You have to slow down. There’s no rushing hot coals—it’s nature’s way of forcing us to breathe, chat, sip, and chill. And that, my friend, is where the real magic lies.
Whether it’s just you and your dog on a Tuesday, or a full-on Saturday gathering with seven uninvited cousins and a neighbour who brought his own cooler, the braai is about presence. You’re not scrolling. You’re not pan-frying while checking emails. You’re here—smelling the smoke, listening to the sizzle, maybe arguing about rugby.
According to psychologist and fire-enthusiast Dr. Bryan Petersen: “Fire is grounding. It engages our senses in a way that digital life doesn’t. The crackle, the smell, the warmth—it brings people into the moment. That’s incredibly therapeutic.”
Braaiing as Mental Health Medicine
You could pay R800 for a sound bath or you could light a fire, flip a chop, and listen to the rhythm of crackling wood. No offence to crystal therapy, but the braai’s been sorting us out long before wellness had a hashtag.
There’s actual research showing that outdoor cooking can lower cortisol levels. The scent of wood smoke reduces stress. That simply being outside, involved in a tactile, meaningful task (like coaxing perfect grill marks onto a mushroom) is enough to help recalibrate a frazzled nervous system.
Let me put it like this: It’s self-care, but with boerewors.
Real Food That Hits the Spot
And yes, you can keep it healthy without losing the soul of the braai. Here are a few of my go-to fire-friendly options that taste as good as they’ll make you feel:
• Lamb skewers with veg – Protein, fibre, colour, and that primal joy of eating off a stick. • Grilled aubergine with tahini drizzle – Earthy and rich; even the carnivores will sneak seconds. • Chicken drumsticks in yoghurt, lemon & herbs – Tender, gut-friendly, and way more exciting than plain fillets. • Snoek with mustard & apricot glaze – A coastal classic. Sweet, salty, satisfying. • Garlic-butter portobello mushrooms – Meaty enough for the plant-based crowd, decadent enough for anyone. • Grilled peaches or pineapple with cinnamon – Dessert that doesn’t feel like penance.
Or, as my friend Sipho always says: “If it didn’t need a label in the fridge, it probably belongs on the braai.”
Real Food. Real Fire. Real Connection.
Here’s the thing: we’ve overcomplicated health. We chase green powders and fermented dreams while forgetting that some of the best things we can do for our bodies (and our minds) involve sitting around a fire with people we love, eating food that comes from the earth and not a lab.
The braai is more than a cooking method. It’s a connection ritual, a stress-relief system, and a nutritional win. And if you’re lucky, it becomes memory. A whiff of wood smoke years later, and suddenly you’re back there—laughing at a joke that didn’t need to be funny, watching the sky turn orange, feeling okay.
Because in the end, the fire doesn’t just cook the food. It softens us, too.
What Is Spoon Theory? A Simple Way to Understand Chronic Illness and Fatigue
You’ve probably heard a loved one say, “I don’t have the spoons for that today.” Maybe you nodded along politely. Maybe you were confused.
Let’s break it down — because this little metaphor? It’s a game-changer in understanding what it’s really like to live with chronic illness, chronic pain, or fatigue-based conditions.
Spoon Theory 101: Where It Came From
Spoon Theory was created by Christine Miserandino, a writer and lupus warrior, during a conversation with a friend at a diner. Her friend asked what it was really like to live with a chronic illness.
Christine grabbed spoons from nearby tables and handed them over — twelve of them.
Each spoon, she explained, represented a unit of energy. And unlike healthy people who wake up with an unlimited number of spoons, people with chronic illness wake up with a limited supply.
Getting out of bed? That’s a spoon. Taking a shower? Spoon. Making breakfast? Spoon. Now imagine having only 6 left… and it’s 9 a.m.
Why Spoon Theory Matters
Spoon Theory helps people visualize what it’s like to live in a body that’s constantly budgeting energy. It explains why your chronically ill friend sometimes cancels plans. Or seems “fine” one day, and completely wiped out the next.
It isn’t about being lazy. It isn’t about being unreliable. It’s about managing a limited resource — energy — and trying to survive in a world that expects limitless output.
The Spoon Math of Chronic Illness
Here’s how a typical day might look for someone with chronic fatigue, MS, fibromyalgia, or another invisible illness:
Get dressed = 1 spoon
Make a meal = 2 spoons
Commute or school drop-off = 2 spoons
Work or errands = 3 spoons
Socializing = 2 spoons
Crash in bed by 6 p.m., out of spoons = 0
Now add pain. Add brain fog. Add guilt. Sometimes, even thinking costs a spoon.
What Healthy People Need to Know
They’re Not Making Excuses If someone says, “I don’t have the spoons today,” they’re not blowing you off. They’re out of fuel — and pushing through could mean crashing for days.
“Looking Fine” Doesn’t Mean Feeling Fine Most spoonies become masters of hiding their symptoms. Just because they look okay doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling internally.
Every Spoon Counts Helping with a meal, sending a kind message, or giving them space to rest can make a world of difference. It helps them save spoons for the things that really matter — like staying connected with people they care about.
Spoon Theory Isn’t Just a Metaphor — It’s a Lifeline
For many living with chronic illness, Spoon Theory has given them a language. A way to explain what it feels like to live in a body that doesn’t always cooperate. A way to ask for grace — without having to justify their existence.
If someone you love says they’re “low on spoons,” believe them. Offer support. Offer space. And remember: empathy doesn’t cost a thing.
Want to better support the chronically ill people in your life? Start by listening. Start by learning. And maybe, start by asking: “How many spoons do you have today?”
🥄 How Many Spoons Do Daily Activities Cost?
Understanding the “cost” of everyday tasks can offer valuable insight into the challenges faced by those with chronic illnesses. Here’s a breakdown inspired by the Burning Nights CRPS article:
1 Spoon Activities: 🥄
Getting out of bed
Brushing your teeth
Taking medication
Watching TV for an hour
Washing your hair
Listening to music
2 Spoon Activities: 🥄🥄
Making breakfast
Taking a shower (note: for some, this might require 3 spoons)
Drying and styling hair
Brushing hair
Managing daily or weekly medications
Reading
Studying for an hour
Making a phone call
3 Spoon Activities: 🥄🥄🥄
Cooking a meal
Light housework
Meeting a friend at home
Driving somewhere
Folding laundry
Caring for pets
Attending a medical appointment
Climbing stairs
4 Spoon Activities: 🥄🥄🥄🥄
Going to work
Attending school
Shopping
Seeing a specialist (especially with long waiting times)
Waiting for and using public transport
Ironing
Taking care of children
5 Spoon Activities: 🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄
Going out for coffee or a meal
Gardening
Studying and attending lectures/classes
Participating in social events with friends
It’s important to note that these values can vary based on individual circumstances and the nature of one’s chronic illness. Factors like flare-ups or particularly challenging days can increase the “spoon cost” of these activities.
🔄 Restoring Spoons: Self-Care and Recovery
While rest is a primary way to regain energy, individuals with chronic illnesses often find that certain activities can help replenish their spoons:
Mindfulness meditation
Listening to or reading positive affirmations
Engaging in relaxation techniques
Practicing yoga or chair yoga
Journaling
Adult colouring or Zentangle
Breathing exercises
Pursuing hobbies or listening to podcasts
Listening to music
Getting a massage
Taking a nap
Laughing
Spending time in nature or simply sitting by an open window
Remember, self-care isn’t selfish. It’s a necessary component of managing chronic illness.
No one tells you how exhausting it is to be polite about being chronically ill.
No one warns you that one of the hardest parts won’t be the symptoms — it’ll be the explaining, the justifying, the pretending-you’re-fine smile you glue to your face at doctor’s offices, family dinners, and the school gate.
Living with chronic illness doesn’t look like a movie montage. It looks like the same unwashed hair three days in a row. It looks like forgetting words mid-sentence. It looks like cancelling — again — and hating yourself for it.
That Chronic Fatigue? It’s Not Tired. It’s Poisoned.
Chronic fatigue isn’t just being tired. It’s body-in-concrete exhaustion that makes brushing your teeth feel like a marathon. It’s lying in bed hurting from doing nothing. And still, you explain it like you’re “just run down” because people don’t understand what this kind of fatigue actually is. Experts say that for the average person to understand what chronic fatigue feels like, they would need to stay awake for three days straight and then attempt to continue with life as though nothing is wrong.
You Become an Expert at Smiling Through Chronic Pain
You learn to say “I’m fine” while your joints are on fire and your head feels like it’s splitting in two. Because being visibly sick makes people uncomfortable. So, like many living with an invisible illness, you become a master at hiding your truth.
You Feel Guilty All the Time
Guilty for being ill. Guilty for cancelling. Guilty for being “negative.” Guilt becomes your shadow — especially in a world that expects constant productivity. And chronic illness doesn’t come with sick leave for your emotions. It certainly doesn’t give you sick leave for being sick.
You Lose Friends — and You Blame Yourself
Some people slowly drift when you stop being “fun.” Others disappear completely the moment you need support. You start to wonder if you’re just too much — when really, they just weren’t equipped to stay.
Your Body Becomes a Full-Time Job
Living with chronic illness means appointments, test results, meds, insurance, symptom tracking. You become your own medical manager. And half the time, doctors still shrug and say, “We don’t really know.” Ironically, chronically ill people develop skills that could run circles around the top CEOs; we just don’t have the bodies to be able to do the job.
You Start to Doubt Yourself
When your labs come back “normal,” when a doctor dismisses your symptoms, when people say “but you look great” — you begin to gaslight yourself. You wonder if it’s all in your head. This is the quiet cruelty of misunderstood chronic illness.
You Become Fierce in Ways You Never Expected
You stop people-pleasing. Believe me. This is one of the first changes you’ll experience. You learn how to say no, how to rest, how to speak up. Your survival depends on this. Chronic illness teaches you how to be soft and strong — even on the days you’re barely holding it together.
You’re Not Weak — You’re Living a Life Most People Couldn’t Handle
Being chronically ill every day is hard. It’s unseen, often misunderstood, and deeply personal. But you’re not alone. There’s nothing wrong with you. And you are more than your diagnosis.
You’re just learning how to carry the weight of your reality — and that’s a strength no one talks about enough.
You’ve just heard the words. Maybe you were in a sterile office with a doctor who looked serious. Maybe you were alone. Maybe someone was sitting next to you, holding your hand—but the moment still felt isolating. However it happened, one truth remains:
Your life just changed.
A diagnosis can drop like an anvil. Whether it’s multiple sclerosis (like mine), lupus, cancer, fibromyalgia, Parkinson’s, or anything else that doesn’t have a quick fix—it shakes you. It doesn’t just change your body. It changes your future, your plans, your sense of self.
How I Found Out—and Why I Felt Relieved
I remember sitting in that neurologist’s office. He didn’t ease me into it. He just said it: “It’s Multiple Sclerosis.”
And weirdly? I appreciated that. No tiptoeing, no sugar-coating. Just the facts. And after years of being dismissed, ignored, and misdiagnosed, finally being heard was a kind of relief.
I know that sounds strange. But maybe you’ve been there too—feeling your body betray you while doctor after doctor says, “There’s nothing wrong.” Maybe you’ve been told to “lose weight” or “just relax,” even while something inside you screams that something’s not right.
That first moment—being told what’s actually going on? It hurts. But it also validates everything you knew in your gut.
The Emotional Whirlwind After a Diagnosis
You don’t have to be brave today. You don’t need to find a silver lining or start fighting. You just have to breathe.
Cry. Sit in silence. Watch dumb dog videos. Scream into a pillow. All of it’s allowed. Because you’re grieving. And that grief is real and valid.
Grief for the version of you who didn’t know. Grief for your body, for the future you imagined. Grief for the control that slipped through your fingers.
What Chronic Illness Took—and What It Gave
For me, MS has taken plenty. I can’t sing anymore. I used to love dancing—can’t do that either. Fatigue is a constant shadow. Pain, spasms, brain fog—they don’t care about my to-do list.
But strangely, this illness has given me things too. It taught me to set boundaries. To trust myself. To question everything. To listen—really listen—to my body.
I’ve become stronger than I ever thought I could be. Not because I wanted to, but because I had no choice.
Living With an Invisible Illness
Here’s the part that’ll really test you: You might still be doubted.
Even now, people see me park in a disabled spot and give me looks. “You don’t look sick,” they say.
Some “friends” even say they don’t believe me. And those people? I’ve cut them out.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You don’t have to look sick to be sick. Invisible illnesses are real. And so is your right to protect your energy.
To the Newly Diagnosed: You’re Still You
You might feel like your body is foreign now. Like you’ve lost something essential. But let me tell you something very important:
You are still whole. You are still worthy. You are still you.
This diagnosis is not the end of your story. It’s a messy, complicated plot twist—but you’re still the author.
And when you’re ready—when you’ve had time to sit with it, grieve it, rage at it—there’s a whole world of people out here who understand. People living with invisible illnesses, chronic pain, hard diagnoses.
We are your people.
We’re not inspirational quotes or toxic positivity. We’re the ones who get it. The ones who live in bodies that fight back—but souls that refuse to quit.
Final Thoughts: How to Cope After a Diagnosis
Write. Journal. Let the chaos spill out onto paper.
Find a support system—online or in person.
Follow accounts that make you laugh.
Listen to your body (it’s not the enemy—it’s the messenger).
Don’t waste energy explaining your pain to people who don’t care.
Grieve the life you thought you’d have.
Then start creating a new one.
And if you’re reading this today—fresh off the heels of that diagnosis—I want to say this loud and clear:
You are not alone. You are not broken. You are still here. And you’re going to be okay. Even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.
Let’s talk about self-care. It’s a buzzword we hear all the time—usually alongside pictures of candles, fancy bath bombs, and someone blissfully sipping tea while wrapped in an overpriced weighted blanket. And while all of those things can be part of self-care (no judgment if you love a good eucalyptus-scented soak), the truth is, self-care is so much more than that.
What Is Self-Care, Really?
Self-care is basically the practice of taking care of yourself—physically, emotionally, and mentally. It’s about checking in with yourself and giving your mind and body what they actually need, not just what looks good on Instagram. Some days, self-care is a peaceful yoga session. Other days, it’s cancelling plans because you’re exhausted and need to recharge in your pajamas.
Think of it like maintaining a car. You wouldn’t expect your car to run smoothly if you never got an oil change, right? Well, your body and mind work the same way. Neglect them for too long, and things start to break down. Self-care is your way of keeping the engine running smoothly (or at least preventing a total breakdown on the side of life’s highway).
The Different Types of Self-Care
Self-care isn’t one-size-fits-all, and it comes in different forms. Here’s a quick breakdown:
1. Physical Self-Care
Moving your body in a way that feels good (not just punishing yourself at the gym)
Eating food that nourishes you and brings you joy (yes, balance includes pizza)
Getting enough sleep (because running on caffeine and vibes isn’t sustainable)
2. Emotional Self-Care
Setting boundaries (because “no” is a full sentence)
Allowing yourself to feel your feelings without guilt
Talking to someone when you need support—whether it’s a friend, therapist, or your dog
3. Mental Self-Care
Unplugging from social media when it starts feeling like a toxic comparison game
Learning new things and keeping your brain engaged
Giving yourself permission to rest, instead of glorifying being “busy”
4. Social Self-Care
Surrounding yourself with people who lift you up, not drain your energy
Making time for friendships that actually bring you joy
Saying goodbye to toxic relationships (because life is too short for drama)
5. Spiritual Self-Care (whatever that means to you)
Meditation, prayer, journaling, or just sitting in silence for five minutes
Spending time in nature and appreciating the little things
Practising gratitude—even on the days when everything feels like a mess
Why Self-Care Isn’t Selfish
A lot of us have been conditioned to think that taking time for ourselves is indulgent or selfish. But here’s the thing: you can’t pour from an empty jug. If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll eventually hit a wall—and that doesn’t help anyone, least of all you. Prioritizing self-care means you’ll have more energy, patience, and clarity to handle life’s curveballs.
Final Thoughts: Start Small, Be Kind to Yourself
You don’t have to overhaul your entire life overnight. Self-care isn’t a checklist; it’s a practice. Start small—maybe by drinking an extra glass of water, taking a deep breath when you’re stressed, or finally making that doctor’s appointment you’ve been putting off.
And most importantly, be kind to yourself. Because at the end of the day, self-care is about treating yourself like someone you actually care about. And you deserve that.
So, what’s one small way you can take care of yourself today?
Yes—self-care has become a buzzword, often reduced to bubble baths, expensive skincare, and perfectly curated “wellness” routines on social media. But self-care isn’t just about face masks and herbal tea. It’s about taking care of yourself in ways that actually make a difference—physically, mentally, and emotionally.
If you’ve ever felt like self-care is just another thing on your to-do list, this is for you. I’ve struggled with this myself—especially with guilt. If I take time to rest, I feel guilty for not being productive. If I set boundaries, I feel guilty for disappointing someone. And that guilt? It spirals into overthinking, stress, and eventually, complete exhaustion. So, I’ve had to learn—the hard way—that self-care isn’t a luxury. It’s survival. Here are practical, realistic self-care ideas that actually help—without the pressure, guilt, or fluff.
Mental Self-Care: Taking Care of Your Mind
✔ Say No Without Guilt – Protecting your energy is self-care. If something drains you, it’s okay to say no. Your time and peace are valuable. This is something I still struggle with, but when I do say no, I feel a massive weight lifted off my shoulders. ✔ Curate Your Social Media Feed – Unfollow accounts that make you feel bad about yourself. I did this recently, and I swear, my anxiety dropped overnight. ✔ Brain Dump Before Bed – If racing thoughts keep you up at night, try journaling or making a list of worries before bed. Getting thoughts onto paper helps clear mental clutter. Or so I’ve been told, I have yet to try journaling. ✔ Schedule Worry Time – Instead of spiralling into anxiety all day, give yourself a dedicated 10-15 minutes to sit with your worries. It tricks your brain into worrying less. (I was sceptical about this one, but it actually works.) ✔ Learn Something New (For Fun) – Read a book, listen to a podcast, or take an online class—not for productivity but because it excites you.
Physical Self-Care: Taking Care of Your Body
✔ Move, Even a Little – If you don’t feel like working out, just stretch for five minutes, take a walk around the block, or dance to one song in your kitchen. It all counts. I used to think exercise had to be all or nothing, but even small movement helps my mood. ✔ Hydrate, But Make It Fun – If plain water bores you, add lemon, cucumber, or mint. Herbal tea counts, too! I used to be terrible at drinking enough water until I started using a bottle with a straw—turns out, small tricks help. ✔ Eat Something That Makes You Feel Good – Not diet culture “good,” but actually good—whether that’s a nourishing meal or a comforting treat. I used to guilt myself over food choices, but now I try to listen to what my body actually needs. ✔ Rest Without Guilt – Naps are productive. Taking a break isn’t lazy—it’s how you recharge. This one is still hard for me, but I’m learning that burnout helps no one. ✔ Do a Body Check-In – Instead of ignoring tension or stress, take a second to ask, What does my body need right now? A stretch? A deep breath? A snack? Listen to it.
Emotional Self-Care: Taking Care of Your Heart
✔ Give Yourself Permission to Feel – Whatever you’re feeling—anger, sadness, frustration—it’s valid. You don’t have to “fix” it immediately. I used to push my feelings away, but that just made things worse. Now, I let myself feel them without judgment. ✔ Stop Doomscrolling – Social media and news cycles can be overwhelming. Take breaks when needed. I’ve noticed that when I unplug, even for a few hours, my stress levels drop significantly. I stopped watching the news a few months ago, it has been a massive help to my mental well-being. ✔ Reach Out to Someone You Trust – A quick text or call to a friend can be grounding. You don’t have to go through things alone. I have a habit of isolating when I’m struggling, but I always feel better after reaching out. ✔ Create a Comfort Playlist – Songs that make you feel safe, nostalgic, or happy. Music is powerful. I have a playlist for when I need to feel strong, and another for when I just need to cry it out. Both are self-care. ✔ Celebrate Small Wins – Give yourself credit for the things you do, even if they seem minor. Got out of bed? That’s a win. Responded to one email? Win. I am still struggling with this one because I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself to constantly be making progress.
Final Thoughts: Keep It Simple & Sustainable
Self-care isn’t about doing everything perfectly—it’s about small, consistent actions that help you feel better. Forget what social media says it “should” look like. Real self-care is about what works for you. And for me? That means learning to let go of guilt, taking breaks without self-judgment, and reminding myself that I deserve care, too.
Pick one or two things from this list and start there. No pressure, no guilt—just small steps toward feeling better, one day at a time. 💛
