Ever let one slip and immediately feel shame?
Don’t. You’re part of a noble, gassy lineage. Every toot is a biological miracle, and honestly, kind of punk rock. This post goes out to the bloated, the brave, and everyone who’s ever blamed the dog.
1. The average person farts 14 to 22 times a day
And if they say they don’t? They’re lying or dead inside. This includes your crush, your boss, and that super-zen yoga instructor who eats only moonlight and mung beans.
2. Farts are mostly odourless
Roughly 99% of a fart is hydrogen, methane, carbon dioxide, nitrogen, and oxygen. The deadly 1% is sulfur. That’s the part that smells like Satan’s eggs. Blame cruciferous veggies, not your soul.
3. Women’s farts smell worse
It’s true. According to actual scientists with actual PhDs, women’s farts tend to contain more hydrogen sulfide, the smelly part. Equality wins again.
*Author Confession
I am, tragically, a full-time resident of the One Percenter Club; that elite group whose farts consistently smell like betrayal. And before you come for me, know this: I eat my broccoli. I eat my cabbage. I eat my lentils, nuts, seeds, and every gut-happy thing the wellness girlies preach. I’m basically a plant-based war zone. If farts are mostly odourless, then mine are the artisanal kind. small batch, sulfur-forward, and emotionally devastating. I’ve crop-dusted Woolies. I’ve made the dog leave the room. I’ve blamed everything from ghosts to faulty floorboards. Zero shame. Full power.
4. They help regulate your gut
Farting is your digestive system doing its damn job. If you’re farting, your gut microbiome is alive and kickin’. No farts? Could be constipation, stress, or a lack of fibre. (Also known as “diet culture in disguise.”)
5. Holding in farts is bad for your health
Not catastrophic, but it can cause bloating, cramps, and bad breath. Plus, if you hold it in too long, it can be reabsorbed and released via your mouth. Yes. That is real. Yes. It’s horrifying. * (See notes below.)
6. Farts can travel at up to 11 km/h
That’s faster than I jog. That’s faster than I ever jogged. Actually, I can’t jog at all, so it’s faster than me. Your butt is out here setting land speed records.
7. Your farts are unique to you
Like fingerprints or Spotify Wrapped. Your fart’s signature scent is based on your bacteria, diet, and hormone levels. (So if you’ve been bloated and breaking wind since starting HRT or menopause? Not just in your head.)
8. Silent ones aren’t always deadlier, they’re just sneakier
Loud or soft depends on the pressure, position, and sphincter tension (yes, that’s a phrase I just typed). The loudest farts are often the least smelly. Discuss at dinner.
9. Some animals use farts to communicate
Termites are the biggest farters in the animal kingdom. Herrings fart to keep in touch with each other in the dark. Meanwhile, humans do the opposite and ghost you if you fart in a car.
10. Certain foods are gas accelerants
Beans, cabbage, dairy (especially if you’re lactose intolerant), and artificial sweeteners are the holy quad of air biscuits. Probiotics can help, but if you’re farting after a green juice cleanse? Congrats. You’re normal.
11. Smelling farts might have health benefits
There was one study. Once. Suggesting low levels of hydrogen sulfide might help prevent cell damage. So, if your partner ever farts under the covers and traps you in it? It’s basically love. And medicine.
* NO! I AM NOT DOING THIS TO CURE MY MS!
12. You can’t really “light a fart” safely
Is it flammable? Sure, if there’s enough methane. But should you try it? Only if you want your butt to end up on a burn unit. Mythbusters tried it so you don’t have to.
13. There’s an actual word for fear of farting
It’s flatuphobia. And if you’ve ever sat through a silent yoga class with a roiling belly, you’ve probably had it.
So… why does this matter?
Because bodily functions are not embarrassing, they’re honest. And in a world obsessed with detox teas, thigh gaps, and curated perfection, normalising farts might be the most rebellious thing we do today.
Let it rip, darling. You’ve earned it.
A fart, a fart, is good for the heart.
It puts the belly at ease.
It warms the bed on a winter’s night,
And keeps away all the fleas.
YES. Horrifyingly, bizarrely, scientifically: true.
It’s rare, and it’s not like your butt gas just magically floats up and burps out, but… here’s what’s really going on:
When you hold in a fart, the gas pressure builds up in your colon. Most of it stays trapped and gets absorbed into the lining of your gut, where it enters your bloodstream. From there, it’s carried to your lungs, and eventually exhaled through your mouth.
So technically, yes, some of that fart might get rerouted and sneak out as part of your next exhale.
Is it literally a burped fart? No.
Is it spiritually a burped fart? Oh, absolutely.Source: Dr. Karan Raj, NHS surgeon on TikTok and Instagram
Also backed up by gastroenterologists like Dr. Clare Morrison.Science: the gift that keeps on grossing us out.
Got a good fart story? A WTF moment in a silent room? Let it out in the comments.
