Plus: What Gaslighting Really Means, and Why It’s So Damn Hard to Spot
Gaslighting isn’t just lying. It’s psychological warfare dressed in charm and fake concern. It’s the friend who tells you you’re overreacting when you’re reacting exactly right. The partner who says you imagined the thing they absolutely said. The doctor who calls your symptoms imaginary while your body screams otherwise.
It starts small. A twisted comment here, a rewritten memory there. And suddenly, you’re doubting your gut, your grief, your own damn mind.
Let’s call it out.
What is gaslighting, really?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which someone causes you to doubt your perception, memory, or sanity, often to maintain control, avoid accountability, or protect their ego. The term comes from the 1938 play Gas Light, where a man dims the lights and convinces his wife she’s imagining it.
It can happen in romantic relationships, friendships, families, workplaces, doctors’ offices, anywhere power is abused and truth is twisted.
11 Signs You’re Being Gaslit
You feel like a shell of who you used to be
Dull. Confused. Exhausted. A little lost. And quietly wondering if you’re the problem.
You constantly second-guess yourself
You used to trust your gut. Now you rehearse your words before you speak and apologise even when you’re not sure why.
They rewrite the past
You remember what happened. They insist it didn’t. Or it happened differently. Or you’re misremembering. Or too sensitive.
They dismiss your feelings
“You’re being dramatic.” “Stop overreacting.” “You’re too emotional.” Translation: they don’t want to deal with what you feel.
They weaponise your insecurities
You opened up to them. Now they use it against you — subtly or not. In arguments. In jokes. In gasps and eyerolls and “I was just kidding.”
You feel like you’re walking on eggshells
You shrink before you speak. You manage their moods. You try to keep the peace by disappearing yourself.
They blame you for everything
If they’re angry, it’s because you provoked them. If they lied, it’s because you were too difficult. Nothing is ever their fault.
You’ve started to believe you’re “too much”
Too emotional. Too sensitive. Too needy. Too exhausting. That’s not an accident. It’s a strategy.
They isolate you from others
Sometimes subtly, sowing doubt about your friends or implying you’re better off alone. Sometimes, overtly punishing you for having support.
They flip the script during conflict
You bring up something that hurt you, and suddenly you’re defending your tone, your timing, your memory. The original issue vanishes.
You find yourself making excuses for them
To your friends. To your therapist. To yourself. “They’re just under a lot of stress.” “They had a rough childhood.” “They don’t mean it.”
“It’s Not Always Screaming and Slamming Doors”
Gaslighting doesn’t always look like abuse. Sometimes it’s soft. Quiet. Delivered with a gentle tone and a hand on your shoulder. “I’m just worried about you.” “You’ve been really sensitive lately.” It can come from people who say they love you, and sometimes, maybe, do.
That’s what makes it so dangerous. And so hard to name.
If any of this feels familiar, you’re not imagining it. That voice inside you, the one that’s been flickering under all the doubt? That’s still you. And you’re not crazy. You’re waking up.
